Republican Convention Schedule Leaked

making ze rounds of the internetz (with additions/changes by yrs truly)

Republican Convention Schedule Leaked!
Update: Republican Convention Washed Out"

"AND THUS SPAKE THE LORD"
(anonymous Democrat)

7:00 pm Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution

7:15 pm Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic seance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave.

7:35 pm "The Pleasures of Adultery" - with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani. Special cameo appearance by Elliot Spitzer, who will discuss bipartisan infidelity.

8:05 pm Undercover Gay sex party in Men's Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig. Ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley will demonstrate " Joys with Young Boys" in the Oval Stall.

8:35 pm Ann Coulter "How to Succeed as a Pathological Liar, but You Already Know, Boys."

8:55 pm Live satellite feed from Federal Prison Ohio Rep. Bob
Ney

9:10 pm Rapping Rove: "Tips on Stealing the Next Election" (with demonstration of state of the art vote tampering techniques).

9:25 pm Oliver North " Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons
anyway"

9:40 pm Bill O' Reilly " The costs of sexual harassment and
phone sex with employees"

10:25 pm Check John McCain to see if he's still breathing.

10:35 pm N.R.A. President & Sarah Palin host an assault rifle target practice on Gays, Wolves, Polar Bears, Abortion Clinics, and Mexicans.

10:45 pm - Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney
accidentally shoots his home aide in the face.

11:00 pm President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for Iraq 's fictitiou WMD's under guests' table & joins Osama Bin L doing lines under Ann Coultier's chair.

11:15 pm Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny
imitation of Gomer Pyle.

11:20 pm Group intervention & Prayer Meeting to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab

11: 45 pm Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.

12:00 am Live satellite feed from Federal Prison California
Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham

12:20 am Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy
Lock picking secrets

12: 40 am Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz "How to lie your Country into a War"

1:00 am Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay
"Tips on Money Laundering"

1:15 am Sarah Palin & Barbara Bush" "Fashion Tips for Presidential Women."

1:30 am Sarah Palin "The Joy of Drilling," with cameo appearance by Dickey Boy Cheney singing his original song: "Oil's Where It's At."

2:00 am Hookers arrive for after party