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Thursday, January 22, 2009

President Obama To Issue Executive Order to Execute Members of the Notorious Bush Mob.

President Obama To Issue Executive Order to Execute Members of the Notorious Bush Mob.

1-22-09 (Rooters): According to an anonymous source, as yet unverified as reliable and accordingly hush-hush-strictly-entre-nous, the President met secretly at midnight in the Trapezoid Room with his Chief of Staff, select members of Cabinet, old Harvard pals on and off Staff and three Christian ministers to compose an Order of Execution to execute Bush Jr., Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Rove “within the year.” The quartet of “thugs” is cited as “co-conspirators under 7,890 counts of RICO, as well as “perpetrators of a multitude of violations of international human rights treaties and criminal statutes enacted by The International Criminal Court, unrecognized (for good reason) by the former regime.”

The indictment to be alluded to in the Order will be voted upon democratically “by the American people and enthusiastically endorsed by world leaders, where appropriate.” The document shall include, but not be limited to counts against the above named as: perpetrators and co-conspirators of heinous criminal acts against the American people’s first and fourth amendment rights (not to mention the penumbra of rights and statutory voting rights); psycho-pathologically perjurious and homicidal acts of a fascistic nature against the American people and others (currently tabling as unpopular inclusion of the intentional destruction of the Twin Towers and various suspect deaths of “people who knew too much and spoke against the administration”); and grossly negligent and homicidal conduct against Nature, animals, and fish and the economic well-being of the human species, said acts “endangering the very survival of the species.”

The major issue at the covert meeting ("Well, folks, we can't be open about EVERYthing," explained the President)was the mode of execution. The framers are considering execution by strangulation by polar bear, evisceration by wolves, drowning by water boarding, immersion in hot oil (from Iraq and Afghanistan), and instant eradication by suicide bomb. The President reputedly stated his belief that “the suicide bomb may be most appropriate, but strangulation by polar bear holds appeal.” Secretary of State Clinton suggested “a swift, clean, symbolic break from the past” by guillotine, while one of the unnamed ministers stated that he was “praying for crucifixion.” The President immediately ruled out crucifixion as “likely to lead to martyrdom, an unsavory resolution indeed.”

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Sarkozy (who Obama will need help from) recommends the use of the guillotine (very French)

Robert said...

gah ha ha ha!!!!

Martin Heavisides said...

I never knew a Polar Bear who could be relied on to stop at strangling, but I suppose mangling, mauling, crushing in a ferocious hug would do as well.