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Friday, March 02, 2007

YIPPY YAPPY! 3 Silly Love Stories has been published in La Petite Zine. Davis Schneiderman's recitation of the piece is accessible via a link.


Here's an excerpt from Scene Four:

HEN: (opening book): Penal Code Section 200 defines homicide as: It is unlawful for an actor to cause the death of a person, with the intention of causing the death of a person and in fact effecting the death of the person until he or she is dead. This act may result in the actor's death if the actor is subject to federal criminal prosecution or prosecution in a state that imposes the death penalty.

HAM (opening book) Intent is a conscious objective on the part of the actor to enact an act with foreseeable results, meaning results more than likely to conclude in the death of a particular person or persons or concluding in the death of other persons who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

HEN: Cause means to effectuate a result by means of a conscious act or otherwise acting consciously.

HAM: A "person" is a live human being, 2 ½ weeks in embryo on up till certified dead.

HEN: "Live" is defined as not dead yet in the brain even if the heart has stopped and the brain never worked to begin with. Inoperability or gross deficiency of the brain shall not be a defense. See Justifications, Chapter 33.

HAM: A "person" is not an animal. See Section 345: Animal abuse and related offenses.

HEN: An animal is a living creature other than a human being but not a plant or geographical chose.

HAM: Footnote 1 appended to the definition of "conscious" states that sleepwalking in not a defense to negate conscious intent, but hunger is.

HEN: Homicide comes in classified varieties, including: patricide, matricide, fratricide, spousicide, infanticide, paramouriside, deicide, suicide and cyanide. Woops, mistake -- not cyanide. Says here that an actor may commit a homicide by means of cyanide, also by other means, listed herein, e.g., voodoo, putrefied okra, persistent nagging, and poisoned arrows. See Section 200.78.

HAM: Here's more on defenses. There are only four defenses to suicide. Transferred Intent, Fatal Illness, Extreme Angst, Chronic Pain and Divine Destiny are no longer defenses to suicide. See Justifications, Chapter 33, section 12. Hunger, Boredom, Noise, and Happenstance.

HEN: Of course, there's also reckless and negligent homicide. It is prudent to acquaint oneself with the entire corpus of the law, in case. Better safe than sorry.

HAM: Of course. Better safe than sorry.

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