CORN: A much cheaper, environmentally friendly heating option for non-apartment dwellers.

From Bizarre News


We've been having one heck of a cold snap in most of the U.S.
It actually dipped below zero last night in several areas
around Chicago. This, combined with the one hundred and forty
dollar heating bill I just paid prompted me to do a little
research into an alternative home heating source I had read
about in the past...corn-burning stoves.

This is not exactly new technology. But you would normally
find corn stoves and more common wood-burning stoves in farm-
houses and cabins. Now, as natural gas prices have doubled,
economically and environmentally-minded consumers are becoming
more and more interested in cheaper and renewable energy
sources. And the answer seems to be corn.

Of course, this wouldn't work in an apartment. You would need
a house with room enough for a reasonably sized corn hopper.
But if you can manage that, corn-generated heat costs less
than a fifth of the current rate for propane and about a third
of electrical heat.

I was discussing all of this with one of the assistant editors
when I caught TZ's ear who just happened to be walking past my
office.

"What did you say?!" he interrupted. "People are buying porn-
burning stoves?"

"Yes," I answered straight-faced. "With the over-production of
adult material in recent years, old issues of "Big 'Uns",
"Hustler", "Swank" and "Plumpers" have become cheaper to burn
than natural gas."

He just looked at me for a second and said, "Do they still
publish 'Plumpers?'"

Anyway, if you're interested. Retail prices for corn stoves
range from 1,600 to 3,000 dollars. However, advocates say the
stoves pay for themselves within a year or two. But you'd
better really like the smell of popcorn.

Bizarrely,

Lewis